I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
