$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
