why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
