I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
