I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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