I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
