So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
