she looked like the before picture.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
