He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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