I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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