how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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