At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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