found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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