Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
