he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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