i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
not ubering you a puppy
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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