I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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