My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
