Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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