Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
