to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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