The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
