Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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