I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
