If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
