all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
