and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
