I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
