Someone shit on the floor
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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