He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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