Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
