i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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