GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
