my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
