I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
how does that bad decision feel?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
