I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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