i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
