he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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