first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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