you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
