speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
