I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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