I can text with my tongue
I wish I only lived at night.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
