I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
