Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
