About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
