I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
