my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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