im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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