I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
