So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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