We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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