there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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