I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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