Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
