His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize