I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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