Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
