I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
