you guys were way drunker than both of me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
